Christmas And 3am Conversations
by Frost Glass
Summary: Albedo was sure that he still hated Tennyson, or disliked him, at least. And with that being said, he had several questions. Was Tennyson ever going to visit him again? What was going on with his family? Why were they upset with him? Why did he miss Ben? Wait, what? (rated T. mild swearing.Eventual BenxAlbedo.)
1. Doubt

**Christmas And 3am Conversations**

**AN: I've been working on this for a long time, but I'm really glad that I'll be able to post a Christmas fic this year**—**and a BenxAlbedo one at that. Hopefully you'll enjoy this story as much as I have. For anyone wondering, I'll be uploading two more chapters for this, as it's a three part story.  
**

**Enjoy-**

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Keeping track of time was difficult from within lock-down, and because of that keeping track of days, or weeks was nearly impossible. He knew the guards would switch out at a certain time, and he knew how many meals he would get, and yet sometimes it felt impossible to tell just how long it'd really been. He was sure he got two meals per day, but sometimes he wondered if perhaps what he thought was a day was two days, and he only got one meal. And then his sometimes random sleeping hours didn't help, confusing him further, but sometimes he felt like he knew how to keep track of the days.

Weeks were a different problem. Everyday felt the same, one day would blend into the next, and he couldn't keep track of how many days would pass even when he tried. Sometimes keeping and stashing something from his meals—like a spoon, or anything really—and keeping one every time helped, but they would always find it eventually and clean it out.

Since Tennyson started coming around, telling the days apart had become much easier. The days would still blend together and time was still unclear, but Tennyson's presence was useful in more than one way. Despite typically disliking company of any type, being isolated for so long did things to him that he couldn't really understand. A human thing, he was sure.

He was still uncertain as to why Tennyson had ever started coming around and visiting him. At first Tennyson would just visit the general area, talking with his partner not far from where Albedo is held, but soon he started approaching him more directly. It started with bickering, obviously. Tennyson was an idiot who could make monkeys seem intelligent in comparison. But somehow they had started to get along to the point that they could hold stilted conversation at best.

Maybe it was out of desperation that Albedo somewhat enjoyed Tennyson's conversations, albeit short and awkward. Just his company made Albedo feel better somehow. Like he wouldn't go insane. And yet the thought that Tennyson was a small comfort made him feel worse, because he hated him. Or disliked him. And Ben visiting so often almost felt like a jab. Or a poor joke.

And yet he found that even though it hurt, being alone hurt in a way that was almost worse. Being left to his thoughts, his memories, was only getting more difficult as time passed. He was sure it was because of this that most of the time he would settle for the company, even when it did feel unfair that the one visitor he would get would be the very person whom he despised.

Something that hurt worse than refusing Ben's company—or at least giving him a hard time—was when Ben decided to not show up at all, or go a particularly long time without so much as stopping by, as he currently was.

It was one thing when he stopped by and Albedo was deciding to ignore him or give him sarcastic comments, but Ben not showing up at all gave Albedo no choice at all. He couldn't try to be nice if Ben didn't show up, he couldn't decide to be mean, he couldn't talk to him at all. He curled in more tightly on himself, glaring into the darkness of his room, or prison cell, rather.

Perhaps Tennyson had died. That would explain the sudden absence. It wasn't as if he slowly stopped coming by, no, it was abrupt. Not too long ago Ben had visited, though he hadn't seemed terribly happy about it. No, Albedo remembered it clearly, he had been in an awful mood, and yet he'd stayed for longer than he sometimes did. He couldn't even recall what all the conversation had been about, though. There was something about Rook, which wasn't unusual for him. He had talked about his family this time. That part really stood out to Albedo, because that was something Tennyson never talked about, unless he mentioned them briefly.

This wasn't a brief mention.

_"Aren't you talkative tonight?"_

_"Yeah," his response was slow, his personality subdue, and yet there was a touch of annoyance lingering from earlier, "Not like I have anywhere else to be."_

_Albedo scoffed, "Are you going to move in?"_

_Ben narrowed his eyes at him in an almost glare, then he shifted slightly in his chair across from Albedo. "With you? I'd rather go home than be stuck with you."_

_"Good, why don't you do that then? Stop pestering me so I can go back to sleep already."_

_Despite Albedo snapping at him to leave, Ben made no move to get up, instead he sat back a little, looking undecided about something. Albedo frowned, opening his mouth, but he couldn't get any of the words he wanted to say out. '_What's wrong with you?_' Or '_What is it?_' But no, he just kept thinking them, unable to actually speak them._

_Just when he thought of something else, he leaned forward, about to speak, but Ben spoke first. "Actually, tonight I'd rather be anywhere but home. Honestly I'd rather be with Rook right now than with you, but...I don't know, it's hard to be around him right now."_

_He stayed silent for a moment as he stared at Ben, but he quickly decided to push away his earlier worries for Ben. "Did your boyfriend finally leave you, Tennyson?"_

_Ben rolled his eyes at that, "Idiot. No, he's just being weird and I have enough stuff on my plate right now with everything else."_

_"Ah," Albedo smirked, "So you're still dating? How sweet, I might get cavities." He spoke in a dull tone, though.  
_

_This time Ben stood, kicking at Albedo, but not actually hitting him. It was obviously more for show than anything, but still Albedo withdrew his legs and pulled his knees up to his chest. Ben sat back down on the chair in the small room then, not going any further with his play pretend attack._

_He was silent again for a moment, running a hand through his brown hair and sighing. "Seriously. Would you ever believe that we actually aren't dating? Where did that stupid joke come from anyways? It's getting real old."_

_"I'm sorry, did I distract you from what you were saying before?" Albedo asked then, not sounding sorry at all. Still, Ben didn't argue with returning to the earlier conversation._

_"I just don't need people like Rook around me right now, alright? I'm not gonna sit there while he looks at me like he's better than me."_

_Albedo knew there was something he wasn't saying, but he refrained from asking. Instead he pondered if Ben realized he regarded him in that same way he had just described. He always looked down upon Ben, so why did he prefer Albedo's presence over his partner if there wasn't any difference? __There was more than just a few missing pieces._

_"And with the way the rest of my family is acting...it's just all the same crap. Ugh, I really hate the holidays," he paused, standing up and crossing his arms as turned towards the glass that allowed them to look out of the cell, "I mean, it's good to see Gwen and Kevin again, it really is. But, and I know they didn't mean to—but it's like they're giving my family ammo."_

_"How so?" Albedo asked this time, shifting on his bed to watch Ben._

_"Just by being here, really. I don't blame them. I feel bad for even saying this kind of stuff. It's been a while since I've seen them, and Gwen...she's amazing. She's always there for me. And Kevin is one of my best friends. It's not like I want them to leave, but with them being over for the holidays I'm not sure what I'll do. I'll be the center of attention of all and any family drama. It just—it sucks."_

_Ben sighs again, glancing towards Albedo for second. "I mean, I would've been in a mess anyways, but they're...it's a bad situation."_

_"You're family's using them against you?" Albedo tried, not certain that he understood, or that he ever would. It been a long time since he'd had anything like a family, and as if that wasn't making this difficult already Ben was clearly treading lightly with the subject._

_"Something like that," Ben mumbled, "I don't know. I guess I'll have to work it out somehow unless I want to be stuck with you for the rest of the year."_

_Albedo didn't say anything, fearing that Ben was dropping their current conversation._

And he was correct.

Ben had dropped the conversation completely, not even letting Albedo bring it back up, because whenever he attempted to Ben would either talk about something else or tell Albedo that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. He was completely closed-out, and he found, like most things these days, he couldn't make him talk. Just like he couldn't make him leave most of the time. Just like he couldn't make him come back.

He glared over the edge of his bed, thinking about how Ben must've died. He regretted it instantly, because some small part of him would miss his company, in a twisted kind of way. And how sick was that, that he would miss someone he used to dislike so strongly? Only because he would spend time with him occasionally? He should've been happy at the thought that Ben was gone.

But instead it was painful to think about. He'd grown fond of him, and the idea of Ben never coming back made him want to not think at all. But if he were dead? Gone for good? Albedo would never see him. Ever again, and that made his chest suddenly feel heavy with strange emotion.

Well, all emotions were strange. This, however, was stranger than the strange that Albedo had grown accustomed to.

It felt as if he were drowning, in a way, except it wasn't quite that either. He wasn't sure that there was a way to describe the feeling, actually. It felt too complicated, too painful and yet, there was something that wasn't painful, within that. Something like happiness, or peace, but not at the idea that he was gone, just at the very thought of him.

And in that moment, laying in his bed in his small cell, he knew he had to see Ben again. He didn't like how it felt when he was gone like this, and couldn't imagine how intense the pain, the ache in his chest would feel, if he were to never see the idiot again; and that thought terrified him.

But he pushed the feelings away and tried desperately to get some sleep while he still could_—_though, he wasn't sure what hour of the day it was, so he didn't know for sure how much time he had to sleep. And he found that trying to sleep while feeling like this was difficult, but he must have eventually drifted off anyways, because he woke up some time later to the sound of a voice seeping in from somewhere outside his cell.

_"—no, I'm fine—"_

That voice...no, surely it couldn't be. Or perhaps he was imagining things_—_but that would be worse, actually. He hated to think he thought of him so much that he could just imagine something like this. But still...

_"—that's not even...just forget it—"_

Albedo couldn't quite make out all the words, but he sat up slightly and felt something like relief wash over him at just the sound of his voice alone, even though he did sound troubled about something. Ben was safe.

_"—you don't even understand it, Rook! Well yeah, but my family isn't yours—"_

From what sounded like a one-way conversation, Albedo guessed that he was likely on the phone, but Ben only had the lights in the hall turned on, so he couldn't see much of the area right outside his cell, just where Ben was standing, a dark outline against the brighter lights further away.

_" —no! It's not a 'misunderstanding' —" _there was a pause,_ "Damn it, would you listen to me? No, that's right, I didn't tell you, I wonder why that is—"_

Standing, Albedo slowly made his way to the glass walls of his cell, leaning on it a little as he continued to listen in on the argument, even though the floor felt cold to his bare feet.

_"—maybe you're right, I should have told them sooner, but this is...it's ridiculous, Rook! I'm not—"_

Watching Ben, and listening to the only side of the argument he could hear, he couldn't help but wonder why Ben chose this place. Why here? Why outside of Albedo's cell, to have this conversation with his partner? Not that Albedo could say he minded—and he wouldn't admit that any time soon —but he was curious.

_"—you don't get it, okay? And I don't blame you, but don't freaking stand up for them—"_

He frowned, remembering that Ben said he was having trouble with his family, "being the center of family drama" or something. Maybe this was related to that, somehow. Though Albedo was sure he didn't know enough to say that with certainty.

_"—Rook,"_ Ben hissed quietly, and Albedo almost didn't catch it,_ "You didn't see the way they looked at me, the disgust—"_

_"—they hate me, how am I misinterpreting this? Don't—Rook, just stop. No, they didn't...no. But—well, no—"_

_"Because of what he said...Rook, no—"_ there was another pause, _"He told me... His exact words? He said...he pretty much told me I'm not his son. Not after this—"_

_Some family drama_, Albedo thought bitterly. He couldn't imagine what reason someone would have to tell his own child that. Not that he really understood family situations too well, or what being a father was like...or even what being someone's son was like, but he knew that saying something like that seemed wrong.

And yet his mind went on to list the things Ben could have possibly done. He knew Ben had a whole thing about being a "hero", but what? Had he stolen something, or killed someone? Neither seemed likely, so what reason was there?

But as he was listening in for more of the one-sided conversation, he noticed Ben had gone quiet now, and after a moment Ben shifted, pocketing his phone from what Albedo could tell.

It only dawned on Albedo after Ben started to walk closer that he probably wasn't meant to overhear any of it. Well, no, he knew that, but he didn't think about getting caught or anything. It just wasn't something he had thought of.

Not until Ben was standing still a few feet away, and Albedo was sure he was staring at him. Albedo thought to say something, but he wasn't what, and then Ben stepped slightly closer, standing just in front of Albedo, on the other side of the glass. "Thought you'd be a asleep at this hour." Ben said causally, but Albedo thought he sounded strange, too quiet.

Still, he shrugged at this. "I don't know what hour it is, how should that matter to me? And besides," he continued as Ben looked like he was about to say something—Albedo wanted to stay on topic though, "I could say the same to you."

"Yeah, well...had trouble sleeping. And you?"

Albedo fought the urge to question him further on that. He knew why Ben might have had trouble sleeping, and it wasn't his business to know that, or to ask for more information. "I had trouble sleeping." Albedo threw back at him. And to be fair, this wasn't entirely Ben's business either, the embarrassing reason for his lack of sleep aside.

Ben nodded, though, in a way that seemed exhausted and annoyed. "Right." He mumbled then, and ran a hand through his dark hair before speaking again, "How long-I mean, you've um..."

Thankfully Albedo caught on quickly—mostly, because he'd been thinking about when Ben might ask. "A little while," Albedo told him then, quietly, "I didn't really...hear everything, though."

There was a quiet sigh, and Ben mumbled something under his breath that Albedo didn't quite catch before he spoke more directly, "And what did you hear?"

He hesitated at the seriousness of Ben's tone, and remembered to not call Rook Ben's boyfriend. "That you're having problems with your partner, and that it seems to involve your family. Which you had pretty much told me about anyways, the last time you were here. But I guess it's been a while now, since then; I can't say I blame you for forgetting."

Albedo didn't know if Ben picked up on the way he said the last bit, or the tone he used_—_understanding laced with bitterness and sarcasm. The words weren't meant to be kind at all, no, just insulting, but Albedo couldn't help the little bit of anger he held towards him.

"I'm sorry about that," Ben told him quietly after a moment of silence, "It's just—I would've come by more but with what's going on, well...I didn't get much of a chance."

"Ah, right. Of course, I understand _completely_." This time the sarcasm was thick and obvious, and Ben gave him a look of annoyance and impatience, "Albedo, if you're trying to say something, say it."

"Oh, excuse me for being so rude, I forgot you're too unintelligent to pick up on anything by yourself. Allow me to spell it out for you; I don't know what's going on with you or your 'family drama' at all. So if you think that your apology about how you would've come around if not for whatever had happened means anything to me, then you're wrong."

Ben rolled his eyes now, moving away from the glass a bit to walk off into the darker part of the room that was further from the lights of the hall. "I don't expect you to understand. But I am sorry that I couldn't come around, and I don't know what you expect me to say. It's not like my words mean any less just because you don't know the reason. The reason was something that kept me from visiting, and it's not like...it's not as if I didn't want to visit anymore."

He knew Ben had a reason, he knew it was something painful, and yet, what was he trying to say? That it was Ben's fault? He knew that wasn't true. Ben didn't have to apologize at all, but he did, because he meant it. Albedo shook his head, and a small part of him knew it was more about what he wasn't saying. He was only upset because he felt like he deserved to know what that reason was. Because he'd missed Ben's company. He was selfish.

And yet, as much as he felt like explaining himself, or apologizing, he didn't know if he could. He swallowed hard and found the words kept escaping him. He cleared his throat, and decided to try to move forward in some other way. "Well, are you alright, at least?"

There was a bitter, tired laugh at that, and a minute before Ben spoke. "I mean, I'll live," he paused then, and his voice softened with his next words, "Thank you for asking...for caring. I know I was gone for a while. I wanted to stop by, I did, but —I don't know, I haven't been in a good place."

Albedo stayed quiet as he refrained from saying something he might've regretted, or something reckless that would only cause more harm, like "But why haven't you been in a good place?" or even just "What happened?" because he knew he should tread more lightly than that. It was hard to know what was okay to ask in this situation.

But Ben surprised him when he spoke up again, only to ask him something that he wasn't sure he even knew the answer to. "Are we friends now?"

"Why?" Albedo asked instead as he frowned, trying to decide if they were indeed friends. He wasn't sure, though. He wasn't sure he knew what having a friend meant.

"It's just..." Ben paused, sighing again_—_he was doing that a lot tonight, Albedo found. "This feels complicated to me. It's like, I want to talk to you, and you clearly want answers. But I don't know that I want to give you the details, but-well, it terrifies me. I mean, I thought us talking like this was fine, but now it's like...I don't know what we are? Like if I told you what was, uh, going on, would you just mock me?"

It was strange, hearing Ben talk to him with such honestly, but he found he preferred it; he liked hearing his thoughts, what he was thinking. He liked that Ben wanted to trust him, and it dawned on him then that he wanted Ben to trust him. "I don't know if we're friends, but by now you probably know whether or not you can talk to me about those things. And...I hope it is clear, that I do care about you. Even if you are an idiot."

Ben scoffed at that, but he was smiling, something Albedo could barely see in the darkness as Ben walked back over to stand in front of the glass. "I know you do."

They were both quiet then, a kind of comforting silence. Maybe this was a conversation they should have had sooner, because despite already feeling like he knew this, and that they hadn't needed words, he still felt lighter from it. Like he could relax now, because every time he had wondered if Ben had hated him and if that had been the reason he'd stop coming around was now proven to be false.

The moment didn't last very long though, because Ben was sighing again, and Albedo knew that Ben had made his decision to tell Albedo about what had been going on with his family. And yet, he knew later that night that he still hadn't told him everything, not all of the details. And thinking back on it, he wished he'd asked him about it. He wish he hadn't accepted Ben's attempts at being honest, and asked him to be more honest with him than that.

He knew he wouldn't have been able to say that, though, or ask that of Ben. Maybe the details didn't matter.

But even telling himself that wasn't enough.


	2. Discretion

It was still on his mind days later, wondering if he'd ever know, and at this point, he was also starting to wonder when he would see Ben again. He feared Ben would disappear again, leaving him with only half of a story.

_"My family is just giving me a hard time, because I'm different. I guess it was bad timing, but having Gwen and Kevin here just makes it worse."_

He wasn't sure Ben ever really said why he was "different", or what was really bothering his family.

_"Like they'll compare me to them-and it's just so frustrating. Not just with one thing either, all sorts of things, like 'Oh, Gwen's so smart' or 'What about you, don't you plan on going to college?'...and being stuck around them so much lately is-it's draining. On a level I get why they do it, but...some of the things is-it's makes me feel like they don't want me to even be...myself."_

And he truly did sympathize with Ben, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something. Some important information that Ben obviously didn't trust him with. And that hurt, in a way that he didn't entirely understand.

He kept trying to push the feeling away, push these thoughts away, but he didn't have much to think about aside from it, and he didn't feel tired in the slightest.

_"Rook tries to be understanding, but...he doesn't really get it. He thinks it can't possibly be as bad as I say, and it's like he doesn't even see how they treat me now."_

If anything, Albedo only was more curious to know what was so different about Ben, or why his family would treat him so harshly so suddenly. This had to be a new thing, a recent thing, for such a sudden change. People didn't just suddenly start disowning their children.

And yet, it remained a mystery to him. Even guessing at it was difficult, because he had little information on it. But frowning at the ceiling, he tried to guess at it again anyways. He still doubted Ben would hurt, much less kill someone, so that was out of the question—unless it was somehow true. What other things would make someone want to disown their own blood? Perhaps it was as simple as Ben not being so intelligent, and not going to college, but that seemed ridiculous, and he really hoped it wasn't that...even if Ben was an idiot.

But then, he could only wonder what it was, if not that. He supposed thievery was pretty high on the list, probably other things pertaining to religion—he didn't know if Ben's family was religious though. And then, there were other things that society typically looked down upon, but none of these helped him to narrow it down. He simply didn't understand humans well enough to make this sort of assumption. He also didn't understand Ben well enough. He wished he did.

He groaned quietly, rubbing his forehead; he could feel the beginning of a massive headache. Thinking about this was becoming unhealthy.

Albedo moved to turn on his side when he heard footsteps close by, and sat up instead to see the lights in the hall were on again, and someone approached his cell to unlock it. He could only stare in confusion, going through the possibilities of who this could be—it felt like it must've been night, so there was no way someone would be bringing food—but then the door was opened, and from the skinny silhouette alone he had a good guess.

A quick 'watch your eyes' was said before Ben turned on a light—thankfully not the overhead one that always stung his eyes and made his head hurt when he first woke up, but instead a wall light that was basically as bright as a lamp.

"Well, hello. Good morning? Or is it the middle of the night again?" Albedo asked as he still squinted for a moment and adjusted to the light.

Ben gave him a small smile but it didn't reach his eyes, and from that alone he could tell Ben was exhausted. Though, upon closer inspection, the dark circles under his eyes, his brown hair that was messier than usual and seemingly un-brushed, along with his overall posture would have given that away just as quickly.

"It's, uh, probably in the A.M. hours." Ben told him, sitting in the nearby chair. "Did I wake you?"

Albedo shook his head, leaning his back against the walls and crossing his arms loosely over his chest. "I couldn't really sleep anyways."

"Something on your mind?" Ben asked him then with a look of concern, and Albedo wondered if it would be better to lie about this.

He already felt sort of guilty about his thoughts he'd been having recently, and about how he had been angry with Ben again, if only a little. "Ah, yes, but it's probably not something you'd want to hear."

This time Ben raised an eyebrow, "How bad could it be?"

Albedo sighed, deciding he would probably end up telling Ben anyways. "Just thinking about what you told me last time."

"That's super specific." Ben commented, his tone annoyed, but there was a playful edge to it—though Albedo wondered if Ben was just annoyed, and trying to make it seem like he wasn't by sounding like he didn't mean it.

"I keep wondering what you're not telling me." Albedo told him then, as bluntly and to the point as possible, while trying to not be harsh about it. He wasn't trying to start anything, even if that might be inevitable.

"What I'm not telling you?" Ben asked, pulling at the sleeve of his jacket and looking at something there instead of meeting Albedo's eyes.

Though to Albedo, it felt more like he was stalling. "Are you playing dumb? It just feels like every time you talk to me about everything that had happened with your family, you leave something out."

"What? The main reason they hate me?" Ben asked him instead, his tone cold, but his eyes were sad, and Albedo felt a pang of guilt.

"That's not what I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound like..."

"Like what? It's a fair question I guess." Ben shrugged quickly, but something about both the tone and his choppy movement gave away that he was still annoyed.

Albedo shook his head, falling silent as he thought about his words and chose them carefully. "I shouldn't have asked. It's just-that's what's been bothering me. I don't expect you to tell me, even if I wish I knew. It's not my business."

Ben looked like he wanted to say something, but he only barely opened his mouth to speak before shutting it again, and it was as if Albedo was watching the battle of thoughts on his face now, watching Ben consider telling him, but he was clearly afraid of something—probably Albedo's reaction to whatever it was. And that hurt more. It was bad enough knowing Ben couldn't trust him with whatever it was, but knowing Ben was scared of telling him? That hurt Albedo in ways he couldn't have expected.

Unable to sit in silence with that thought haunting his mind, he decided then to change the subject. "What's on your mind, Ben?" And then, he added, more playfully, "It better be good considering you're keeping me from sleep now."

Ben either didn't hear the pretend-angry tone in that, or he didn't care enough to make a comeback. "I just couldn't bring myself to go home."

Frowning, Albedo wished he knew how to help Ben somehow, even though another part of him knew that that was a strange thought. It wasn't his job to help Ben. It never had been. But now, things had changed, hadn't they? He hoped things had changed.

"Well," Albedo started slowly, "While you're welcome to stay, you can't avoid going home forever. Well, I suppose you could, but I imagine a small part of you doesn't want to."

Ben nodded to his words, but his gaze looked distant and detached, and after what felt longer than just a minute or two, he quickly ran a hand through his hair, and made a noise like a whimper before laughing brokenly. "I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what I'm doing."

Not knowing what to say, Albedo stayed silent for another few minutes. Honestly he wasn't good at this at all; comforting someone else, finding the right words to help someone, he had never done much of that. "You shouldn't tire yourself out with this. You need sleep, Ben. And I realize that's difficult, but this-everything going on, isn't the end of the world. You'll get past it, with or without your family."

"I know..." Ben told him quietly, but he didn't look entirely certain, "It's just, even going home to sleep has been so difficult. Not because of them but, it's just been difficult to be around them at all. And then sleeping at all..." He trailed off, but it was clear enough what he meant.

"Tell me about it." Albedo mumbled, only half serious in his complaint, "I haven't been sleeping much myself."

"Because of me?" Ben asked seriously then, and even though Albedo had already basically admitted at least once that he couldn't sleep—not tonight, at least—because of him, it still felt difficult to admit such a thing again.

And still, he found himself nodding, but he didn't watch for Ben's reaction.

"I'm sorry," Ben told him after a moment, "I should probably go."

Part of Albedo knew and understood that that was for the best, and yet, he didn't want him to, though he wasn't sure why. Maybe it because lately he hardly spoke to anyone, or because he missed Ben, or maybe this was just another human thing he would probably never understand.

Whatever the reason, he was speaking before he could stop himself. "You could stay—I mean, I'm not likely to get much sleep anyways."

Ben stared at him from where he was sitting with a look on his face that Albedo couldn't quite read, but after only several seconds of Ben's scrutinizing stare he had to look away. He turned his gaze to stare at a random spot of his blanket instead, and he tried to ignore the way his eyes burned, a sign that he really should try to get some sleep at least.

And yet, he didn't want Ben to leave. And if getting sleep meant Ben leaving, then he didn't really want that either. He frowned, trying to understand his own confusing thoughts, but it felt nearly impossible. His thoughts, his feelings...none of them made any sense, and he could just barely understand half of them.

The only thing he really understood—and he didn't know why—was that he wanted Ben to stay. And he hated that. Because he didn't understand that, and he didn't know why. Sure, him and Ben had become closer. Maybe they really were friends, he didn't know, only that they were close. But to want Ben to stay like this, over his own health was...a little frustrating. Was this something a friend would feel?

Ben stood up rather suddenly, then. He wasn't even heading for the door yet and already Albedo felt his like he was gone, like he wouldn't be able to see him again. Like he'd lost him. But right when he was sure Ben would turn to the door, and right as Albedo was starting to feel a strange ache in his chest, Ben moved closer to his bed to sit next to him instead.

"I wish I could tell you...about the other thing." Ben said softly, and Albedo could only glance at him from the corner of his eyes. For some reason the pain he knew Ben was feeling was too much, and it was as if he could feel it too.

"I wish you could trust me." Albedo told him in return, and he hoped it was clear in his words, in how carefully he said it, that he didn't mean it in a harsh way. He understood that Ben couldn't just trust him so easily, not with something that was already clearly causing him pain. And he wasn't about to ask him to.

"I'm sorry."

Albedo glanced at him again, hating that Ben felt the need to apologize, and yet, not knowing how to tell him that it wasn't needed. He hated that Ben was in pain, and he hated that he didn't know how to help him, or comfort him. And a part of him hated that he even felt the need to.

He hated that he wanted to hug him, and he hated that he wasn't strong enough, or brave enough, or maybe dumb enough to hug him anyways.


	3. Certainty

He still regretted both not hugging him, and having had that thought at all. Yet he found he kept having thoughts that he didn't like, or at least, didn't understand. He kept wondering when Ben would return, or what they might talk about, or if he would ever hug him. It was enough to give him an awful headache that would last for days.

But thankfully—_thankfully?_—it wasn't even a week later when Ben visited him again, which was a bit shocking considering Albedo was sure the holidays would keep him away. But either he wrong in assuming that, or it wasn't that close to the holidays. It wasn't as if he had a calendar to look at.

He looked as tired as he had last time, if not more, and he seemed to hesitate before unlocking the door and stepping in. He paused in the doorway, though, before making his way to his chair, but for whatever reason he didn't sit down. "Hey."

Albedo swallowed with difficultly, and he wasn't sure why he felt so strange; worried, or nervous, like he was waiting for something to happen, but for what, he wasn't sure.

"This must be a new record, it hasn't even been a week." Somehow his own words didn't hold the bitterness he tried to convey, probably because he wasn't really feeling the words he had spoken. The problem was that he also couldn't find any of the normalcy he was looking for.

"Yeah, well, I didn't think I'd be back so soon either, but..." Ben paused, looking like he was considering his words, before just shaking his head instead. "Do you want go somewhere with me?"

"I—what?" Was this a joke? Some sort of prank, only meant to hurt Albedo? But instead of explaining, Ben tilted head back to the door he had left open. "Come on...unless you were trying to sleep?"

Albedo didn't say anything then, only getting up and following Ben, because when it came to either talking with Ben or sleeping, it wasn't much of a competition. He wasn't able to sleep much anyways, and it would be especially difficult if he knew he had turned this down. Even so, walking around the Plumber's prison and then to the rest of the building was strange, and he felt like this was something Ben might get in trouble for—though he didn't know for sure. Maybe Ben was allowed to do this, for all he knew. But their footsteps against the hard flooring, loud and echoing, still had him feeling on edge as they made their way out.

It was only when the cold night air hit his face and he was met with a dark street surrounding the building they had just left that he realized it was indeed night. The sky above was vast, the stars just visible, and the moon clouded over partly. Albedo couldn't recall when he'd last stared up at the night sky.

"You okay?" He heard Ben ask from his side then, his voice quiet.

Albedo nodded to him then, before glancing down the street, to the houses with lights strung up and decorations varying from tacky to excessive or sometimes both. A few of them actually looked nice, though, and overall well done—even if he couldn't say he cared much for the decorations either way.

Ben motioned for him to follow him then, so Albedo did, his eyes wandering as they walked along the sidewalk. Everything was the same, and yet, it felt different. Maybe he was just tired enough to be imagining it, maybe he was tired enough that he wasn't making any sense. He didn't know.

They soon made it to the car parked along the road and Ben walked up to the driver's door to unlock it before climbing in, and as Albedo got in the passenger side with hesitance he realized he could just as easily keep walking, run along the street and make an escape through an alley, or up the side of a building not far down the street. He would be gone so quickly. And with that thought, he sat down and shut the passenger door.

Even if he got away, what good would come out of that now? He didn't have any plans after that—well, not any good ones. He always had plans, in the back of his mind, but he realized that right then, he didn't like that about himself. And none of those plans could include Ben. Not if he left here and now.

He turned to watch Ben, then, who kept his eyes on the road with a tired expression, but a glint of something like hope in his eyes. Albedo tried to push away his thoughts of why Ben was different, or why his family was so upset with him, because he wasn't supposed to ask, but his curiosity was becoming annoying. It took him a few minutes to come up with a better question to ask, one that wasn't as intrusive. "How are things with your family?"

Ben laughed, a sound without humor, before barely glancing at Albedo with a look that was suddenly dark, and in that brief moment, Albedo regretted asking. "Not better...not exactly worse. But there's a reason I'm not with them tonight. So I guess hanging out with you for what's left of this year sounds like a better idea than I originally thought."

He vaguely recalled Ben saying that at one point, and he smiled a little at the thought, but it faded quickly. "Was tonight Christmas?"

Without looking at him again, Ben nodded. "Yeah, it was. I, uh, was with my family earlier. But...I didn't look forward to sitting around with my family for the rest of the night."

"I'm sorry," Albedo was mumbling before he could think better of it, but even after he didn't really regret the apology.

"No, that's—it's fine. I don't mind you asking. You're the only person I can actually talk to about this." Ben gave him another look as he spoke, and for several seconds that felt like years, Albedo didn't know what to think of his words, or what to say in response.

For some reason, being the only person he could talk to was both upsetting and enjoyable to hear. But that very thought made him feel sick. He shouldn't think that Ben having no one to talk to was a good thing. Maybe that wasn't exactly what it was, maybe it was more that he was glad that he could be the person Ben could rely on. And that only confused him in a different way. When had he become so close, so much like friends with him?

But if he thought about that for too long, he would just end up confusing himself more, he knew, so he forced himself to keep talking to Ben instead. "Did you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know," Ben paused, hesitating before he continued, "I guess I do. But I don't want to think about it all the time. Sometimes I just...want to forget about it. I just want to be happy. It just sucks that on a day like this, they can't be the people that make me happy."

Albedo swallowed with difficulty, and he pushed away the question he wanted to ask._ "Does spending time with me make you happy?"_ It was implied, at least, but even if it wasn't the case he couldn't bring himself to ask that. Even though it seemed like a reasonable question at first, he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that it was strange.

"I'm sorry, Ben." He told him again, only because he wasn't sure what else to say. It did, as Ben put it, suck. And maybe he could have told Ben that he was here for him, or maybe he could have asked that question after all. But those options only made him uncomfortable.

But Ben glanced at him, a strange look on his face. "Don't pity me. I mean...you were right, I'll get past this, with or without my family. I think I'm starting to accept that. Because what else can I do? Hope they start to see things the way I do—or that they just—what? Get over this?" He breathed in shakily then. "I'm done feeling bad about myself for them."

Nodding, Albedo glanced out the window on his side again, pushing away more invasive questions. _But what do they need to see differently? Why did you feel bad about yourself for them to begin with? What is it?_

He didn't want to ask Ben questions that he didn't want to answer. "If you would rather not talk about this, we don't have to. We could just forget about it." Albedo told him instead.

"I think I'd like that right now," he paused, before adding softly, "Thank you."

Albedo only nodded again, not knowing how to respond. "You're welcome" just didn't feel right. Maybe "Anytime" would have worked, but he found this too casual. Maybe that would have been better actually, something more casual to escape the subject they were on, and his family issues. Something to add some normalcy back into the situation, but it seemed like it was already too late to speak up now. The moment had passed by, seconds turned to minutes, and he felt like it would be strange to say it now.

And yet, finally, after a few seconds more of thinking it over, he makes a decision. "You don't need to thank me."

He stared at Ben, watching him as he continued to drive. It was only a few seconds before Ben glanced at him. "Even if I don't need to, I want to."

Albedo let the silence set in this time. He understood what Ben meant, somehow. But he also felt that no more words were needed. Instead he found himself staring out his window, watching the night sky, houses and lights passing by. Maybe being locked away made him appreciate the scenery more, but for whatever reason, this...backwater planet, wasn't as bad as he had recalled it being.

It was a while later when Ben pulled the car off the road and stopped it along the dirt and grass. The road was on a hill that overlooked Bellwood from a distance, and from the hill all they could see were the houses clumped together, silhouettes of taller buildings and bright lights. The few Christmas lights they could see from the hill were bright, and strangely more enjoyable from this distance. And yet it wasn't city with sparkling lights that he found himself staring at, but the person at his side as they walked along the side of the road.

The chilling wind played with Ben's brown hair, making him shiver a little, and Albedo wouldn't admit it but he regretted leaving the warmth of the car. It was warmer than this, at least. But just as he was thinking this, Ben suddenly offered him something. At first Albedo was confused, before realizing it was a dark coat that Ben had folded over on his arm. He hadn't seen Ben grab it when they were leaving the car, but he was thankful that he had. He took it and pulled it over his white, long sleeve shirt, relishing in the small amount of warmth. It probably wasn't as warm as the coat Ben already had on, but he tried to not think about that.

But what his mind ended up going back to was Ben's family, back to why they were here. He was trying hard to not think too into that, though, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling worried. Which was somewhat strange—well, more strange than the usual strange. He didn't normally worry about Ben when they were talking, or spending time together. He usually only worried when he wasn't there with him, but this time Ben being near him didn't reassure him, or comfort him.

If only he knew how to express his concern for him. If only he knew how to tell him that whatever it was that he did to upset his family didn't matter to him, and that, even if he didn't know what it was, he knew it couldn't be something so awful that he would ever see Ben differently. He didn't know when he had decided that, though.

Maybe that was something that he had known for a while now. Maybe he had decided it long while back, without ever realizing. And maybe he didn't dislike Ben as much as he wished he did, maybe he was starting to realize what being close with someone felt like, and he didn't mean that in the physical way, although as they walked side by side he could feel the back of Ben's hand brush against his.

He glanced over at him then, to find that Ben was already watching him with tired emerald green eyes. Albedo turned his gaze to the grass instead, barely coated in a light snow. "Still not sleeping much?"

"No." Ben mumbled, his voice hard to hear under the sound of the icy snow being crushed under their shoes with every step. "I can barely go back there."

"Should grab one of the empty holding cells." Albedo half-joked, but it wasn't a bad idea actually.

Ben shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah? So I can be near you? I guess you would like that. Visiting you would be much easier."

It was at least partly true that he would like that better, but he wasn't about to admit that. Instead he only smiled a little, a forced upturn of his lips that probably didn't look quite right. But Ben either didn't notice, or just didn't want to ask.

"So what are you going to do?" Albedo asked him instead, since he figured Ben wasn't planning to actually take an empty holding cell as a room.

"I'm not sure yet. I could stay at the Plumber's still, there's a room there. But Rook would be there too."

Albedo hadn't thought about that, but was part of the reason Ben held off on coming to see him because of Rook? That would make sense, he supposed. "Is he—are you two still not talking?"

Ben sighed quietly, and from the corner of his eye Albedo saw his white breath dissipate in the air. "Not really. Mostly I'm avoiding him, even though...I don't know, I want to see him. I don't think it'd go badly, because he's at least _trying_. That's all I could ask for. But I'm...scared, I guess."

Not knowing what to say, Albedo nodded. There were many things he wanted to say, but Albedo wasn't nearly naive enough to think that speaking his mind so much was smart. Sure, he could have reassured Ben, "It'll probably work out," and maybe it would, but if it didn't? Or what if Ben didn't want to be reassured? If Albedo were feeling really upset, he couldn't imagine himself wanting to be reassured all the time. He could have told him that he would always be here, at least. But he wasn't Rook, and he didn't expect that to go over well either. He knew whatever relationship Ben had with his partner was it's own, he couldn't replace something he wasn't, or someone he wasn't.

He finally settled for something that seemed alright. "Well, you can always visit me if you should ever feel lonely. I'm sure you'll know where to find me."

Ben smirked at him, "Yeah, no kidding. You're always in the same place, so that won't be hard."

He gave Ben another forced smile. "Exactly." Albedo only felt empty in his words, though. He was trying to cheer Ben up, but for some reason he couldn't even bring himself to be happier. He guessed it was because the overall topic left a bitter taste in his mouth.

And his own fake attempt at happiness only made it more bitter. He didn't want to say half-snarky, half-playful things to ease the mood, or lighten the problems temporarily. He wanted to be honest with Ben and tell him what he really thought. That he hoped it went well with Rook, but he'd be at his side, either way. Why were these things so difficult to say? Surely this was what friends were meant to be like, not...well, whatever it was he was doing.

Ben seemed to understand anyways, his own smile fading. "I guess you'll probably always welcome my company anyways, huh? It helps that you don't know the, uh, reason."

"I'd welcome your company even if I knew." Albedo told him quickly, but he wasn't bold enough to look at Ben as he spoke. Instead he stared off into the sky, the clouds were covering most of the stars now, though.

"No—don't say that. Don't say things you don't mean."

His tone was stern sounding, but it didn't bother Albedo. Why would it? Ben wasn't scary. "I mean it."

"You can't, because you don't know. It could be something you don't agree with, you know." Ben tried to point out then, his voice low and more upset than it had been. Something in Albedo broke slightly at the sound. He had so many things he wanted to say. And yet none of the words ever came out.

He looked at Ben now, trying to not decide his words, and trying to not filter his own thoughts. "It's you. I don't know what you could do that would make me stop wanting to talk to you. Or just spend time with you, even."

"It's not-" Ben stopped, sighing in a way that sounded pained. "It's not something I've done. It's...never mind."

"What? Just an opinion? Something you said? Something else about you? I don't see how so many people who apparently loved you could suddenly treat you so badly."

Ben shook his head, "You don't understand it, Albedo."

Well, he wasn't wrong. "I don't, because you won't explain it." But he hated how his own words came off, like he deserved to know, and maybe he did, but he wasn't about to say that. Ben deserved to withhold his personal life, after all. He knew that they were on unstable ground. He wasn't stupid.

"I _want_ to," Ben told him quickly, sounding both frustrated and hurt, but Albedo stopped him before he could say anything else. "I know—it's fine. I understand why you can't."

Ben still looked like he wanted too, though, and like he was in pain because of it. And for a quick few seconds, Albedo watches the battle of his thoughts play out on his face, an almost unnoticeable struggle, before it was clear that he wasn't going to tell him. Not right now, at least. And Albedo was fine with that, surprisingly. At least this way, Ben might still tell him someday, even if that day wasn't tonight.

"Still, whatever it is that you're hiding...I doubt it would change anything." He told Ben after a pause, but seeing Ben's uncomfortable reaction to his words, he quickly added, "I'm not trying to convince you to tell me, though."

"Thank you...I'm still not so sure, but—well, I appreciate that." Ben paused, looking like he was thinking about something, and Albedo wondered if he was trying to tell him again. After seconds turn to minutes, they fall back in silence and Albedo doesn't push on it. He figured that wouldn't help any, and besides, he already told him he wasn't going to try to convince him. He meant that.

Instead they continued walking through the cold night, but after a while they were both starting to shiver slightly. Ben wasn't shivering quite as much as Albedo though, and something about that annoyed Albedo. "Want to go back?" Ben asked him then, watching him, and Albedo only nodded. Clenching his teeth a little stopped the chattering.

They hadn't walked too far—thankfully—so the walk back wasn't too bad. It was still better than laying in his bed all night, unable to sleep. It was still better than not knowing if Ben was okay. Even though the walk back was colder, he still had him at his side. Somehow, that made it bearable.

Something about his own thoughts worried him, scared him, maybe because he didn't understand them. He didn't understand the closeness he felt. But when they got back to the car, he couldn't help staring at Ben as he tried to sort his thoughts out. It was then that Ben looked back, locking eyes with him, and Albedo swallowed with difficulty. "You okay?" Ben asked him carefully, his voice quieter than before.

Albedo nodded again, even though he wasn't entirely sure if he was. He felt strange. Not in a bad way, but in a familiar way. It was the same way he'd felt for a while now, but in this moment, in felt stronger. It was that...closeness, that he felt. It was part of why he worried about Ben, he knew that much.

"We should probably head back." Ben mumbled, a look of reluctance on his face, his tired eyes heavier. Albedo was about to agree, making a move towards the passenger side, when he stopped. He looked at Ben quickly, and he hesitated, thinking about the last time they said goodbye. He wasn't ready to step away from him yet. He turned back towards Ben instead, standing in front of him with purpose, and yet, he had no clue how to move forward. He only stood there hopelessly as Ben tilted his head slightly at him before realization seemed to dawn on him, a sad expression breaking out across his features.

Silently, Ben moved to hug him now, and somehow Albedo was able to hug him back almost instantly, although loosely at first, before he held him closer, an ache in his chest from knowing they were parting ways, even if temporarily. Maybe Ben felt the same way, because he held him tighter too. He felt warm, warmer than any coat or jacket. But maybe that wasn't necessarily a good thing, because Albedo didn't want to let him go now. He gripped at Ben's jacket slightly, his chin resting against Ben's shoulder, with Ben's head against his. He wanted this moment to last forever, with the good and the bad. The pain and the warmth.

It was Ben to broke the moment after possibly several minutes, pulling away, but Albedo couldn't help grabbing his jacket to stop him. He hadn't even realized that he had until they were staring at each other, faces inches apart, their white breaths visible between them. Something in the back of his mind knew he was supposed to pull back, step away and move on like it hadn't happened, but standing so close to Ben, he found he couldn't back away so easily. Instead he could only stare into his eyes, noticing for the first time all of the color there, before his eyes moved to his other features, settling for a moment on his lips. He quickly glanced up to meet Ben's eyes then, ignoring the pounding in his chest as he moved forward, before he could think better of it, his lips pressing against Ben's in a soft kiss.

Within seconds he was pulling back though, his mind a torrent of thoughts. He kept his eyes close, not certain why Ben was quiet, but hoping it wasn't because he was angry. He felt certain he screwed up, though. "I'm sorry." He apologized under his breath, opening his eyes and glancing up, but Ben shook his head softly, "No, that's..." he trailed off, looking hesitant, before he continued, "I like you."

Albedo stared at him, a little confused—and he was trying to understand, to wrap his mind around what Ben had said—but Ben quickly shook his head then, "Never mind, I just mean..." But instead he sighed softly, leaning forward to press his lips against Albedo's again, though the kiss wasn't as brief, or quite as soft, although it started that way, with both of them deepening it slightly. Albedo wasn't sure how many minutes had passed when Ben pulled away once more, and he wasn't sure when he had grabbed Ben's jacket again, but those details didn't seem important. Not when there were so many other things to think about. But he wouldn't allow himself to think yet. Not yet, not now.

"I think...I think I like you." Albedo told him quickly, his voice quiet.

"You don't have to say that, I mean, if you—" Ben stuttered, but Albedo shook his head, "I think I've liked you for a while now. Is that...bad? Or..."

"No, not at all." Ben told him quickly, reaching to where Albedo was still holding onto his jacket to take his hand in his instead. "Though...well, it is complicated, but I don't want to think about yet, if that's okay."

Albedo nodded, not certain what to say, or what to do. There was too much to think about. No, not yet. "I don't want to think about it yet either." Albedo admitted then. He just wanted to keep this moment. He never wanted to forget this, or the way he felt. After a moment he pulled his hand from Ben's, though, but only to wrap his arms around Ben again in a warm embrace.

* * *

**AN: I want to apologize for this being late**—**I mean, stupidly late... I lost motivation to finish editing (the final chapter was written) and then January was very busy with me still not having motivation/inspiration, being sick off and on, among other things (a few mental breakdowns...okay, I'm being dramatic). BUT HEY, it's finally here. And I only rewrote the last bit a hundred times. For anyone wondering, I'm very much considering making a continuation type of story, following this one but maybe as a separate story? Let me know what you think, and if you'd like to read more.  
**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this~**


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